What I do with my free time

Since I had quit gaming yet again and reduced the amount of shows I am following, I had a lot of free time to finally catch up on my long term plans. I had just made a list of what I did and it's amazing!

• Science Fiction Novel- Editing "Problems, Try this!" I had the first draft for a long time now.
• Physics and Buddhism blog entry.
• Temple Explorers Singapore book writing.
• Physics Textbook reading and learning.
• Dhamma books reading and learning.
• Science Fiction story books for inspiration, learning and style setting for my own story.
• Physics and Buddhism books written by others so that I can be more informed of what has been explored on this subject.
• Popular Physics books reading
• Buddhist presentations for Medical Dhamma Circle.
• Awaken Challenge organizing
• Degree in Buddhism
• Other Buddhist events and volunteering (this plus the degree takes up 6 or 7 days per week)

The readings and writing were mostly done in the train, smartphones or individual book. There are some more stuffs that can more comfortably be done on the computer. Like this blog. 

Job

So, I'm posting this for fun. For now. Again. After so long of talking about other stuffs, it's back to me. The Ego. Oh well, school has just started, and it shouldn't affect me, but that I get to meet a lot of new people. Both in SPS and NUSBS, not so much on USP cause I don't go there.

Well, it seems a bit strange, I had started work on week 0 itself and I should be getting to know the people in CQT rather than my old attachments. Well, for that matter, a lot of the people I met asked me where do I work after the introduction that I'm an alumni.

Here's what I tell people:
Me: I'm working as a Research Assistant in Centre for Quantum Technologies now, yes it is in NUS.
Questioner: What am I researching on?
Me: Physics
Questioner: Which field?
Me: Theoretical Physics
Questioner: What topic? 
Me: (If not physics people then I think: Do you really wanna know?) Quantum Entanglement in General Relativity.
Questioner: (Blank look or amazed look if not physicist) So what do you do in it?
Me: (If I know it would not be called research is it?) Oh, I read papers, do the maths, get ideas, do the maths, write papers etc....

It's actually different people added together from above. Well, anyway, don't feel bad if you are one of them and reading this. I'm just letting you know my inner state.

On a cooler note, I am discovering more and more people who reads my blog! People who are going to enroll/join in SPS, USP, NUSBS, Physics, etc... Thanks for reading people! It's inspiring to know, so do leave comments, that way I can know that the post is read there and then! (Instead of having to meet you guys in NUS one by one and having a long enough conversation to come to the topic of my blog, it's nice, but it's only once a year!)

My Certs

Hey all,

I’ve not been updating on my personal life for quite long now. But this is not one of the post where I go through all the thing I had done since the last post.

This is about the certs which I had chosen to present for my job application. There are so many certificates by the time you graduate and you’ll realise that to put all these in your CV is totally ridiculous. Some certs like participation in a Scouts Camp during your secondary days and motivation workshop for the national examinations are not even worth mentioning. Here I’ve selected the most important and relevant certs so far for the application of this first job. Only in the first job would these matter, hence the timing of this writing.

There are ten of them in total and I shall go through them one by one, giving perhaps the link to the past posts too.

 

Firstly, the programmes that I am in: Bachelor of Science Course.

1. Dean’s List for meritorious performance in the AY 2008/09 Sem 2 of the Bachelor of Science Course. Link.

This one I had gotten during my sem 2. For the achievement of 4.75 Semester Average Points (SAP). Well, you might think I should had gotten it for every semester. However… there are too many things to handle in a semester, and this was the one where I put almost all my free time into studies. It teaches me that this is not the way I wished to spend my university life: I don’t want to become a Study Machine. So at least I have one. It represents my main course in NUS. Amongst the 10 certs, this is the 3^rd one I obtained chronologically, in the beginning of sem 3. I put it first because of the 6+5+5+6=22 modules minimum requirement I took for this.

The next programme is University Scholars Programme.

2. Honour Roll for meritorious academic performance and contributions and achievements beyond the classroom in Academic Year 2009-2010. Link.

This one was because I finished 4 out of 8 first tier modules in USP and also joined in the Buddhism in Asia Global Programme. I felt the most undeserving of this cert, as it is unexpected and I didn’t really did any real work to get it. Plus I am not so close to the USP community. This teaches me that a cert does not represent how exactly the person who has it feels about having one. It represents me being in USP, wherein that time, I do not feel a sense of belonging to. It also teaches me that appreciation may come from the most unexpected places, so appreciate them. Amongst the 10 certs, this is the 6^th one I obtained chronologically, in the middle of sem 5. I put it second because of the 12 modules minimum requirement I took for this.

The next one I am however extremely proud of.

3. Special Programme in Science. This is to certify that Ng Xin Zhao has successfully completed the Special Programme in Science.

(on the back) The Special Programme in Science (SPS) is an intense programme in the Faculty of Science that seeks to nurture talents among budding scientists. It is specifically directed at the academically talented students who cherish outstanding scholarship, and delight in the rigorous training of the mind and character.

The Programme introduces students to some of the broad areas of science through seminars, discussions, laboratory and fieldwork. With strong emphasis placed on interdisciplinary science, it offers abundant opportunities for those motivated to embark on in-depth studies of advanced topics that are at the forefront of modern scientific endeavours.

Innovative teaching methods, through peer learning and mentoring, form the basis with which creative and critical thinking is fostered. This dynamism is largely sustained by the passion and enthusiasm that the participants have for intellectual pursuits. Apart from their academic curriculum, students in the Programme are also involved in many enrichment activities organized by the faculty.

Quite the description at the back of the cert! Well, they forgot to mention that SPS has a 24/7 room with bookable table spaces for you for each whole semesters and free food are found not-too-rarely just outside SPS room.

Well, it was my 5 modules that I took for this and it represents one of the hardest achievements in my university life. And one of the most worthwhile achievement too. The mentorship experience certainly opened my eyes to how does it felt like grading, teaching, guiding, mentoring, and being normal (instead of extremely weird). Amongst the 10 certs, this is the 9^th one I obtained chronologically, in the middle of sem 7.

Next up is an internship!

4. Certificate of participation. This certificate is awarded to Mr Ng Xin Zhao of NUS for participating in the Vacation Internship Programme at the Data Storage Institute from 10 May 2010- 20 July 2010. Project: Study of Nanophotonic Integration Technology. Supervisor’s commendation: The student has demonstrated resourcefulness and great skills in theoretical study and programming. He has good attitude in learning and working with the unknown.

This internship lasted less than 12 weeks, between sem 4 and 5, with a meditation retreat in the middle. It was with the A Star. I touched a bit on applied physics here and get to experience the working life of clocking in and out at the exact timing. In my opinion, the work I did in SPS during my sem 3 surpasses the work I got to do here. This experience told me I am not suitable for industry research. Amongst the 10 certs, this is the 4^th one I obtained chronologically, in the beginning of sem 5.

After that I had joined in an International event at the beginning of sem 5. It was:

5. 1st Summer Youth Olympic Games 14-26 August 2010 In recognition of your achievements and contribution to the success of the 1^st Summer Youth Olympic Games.

For this event, I travelled to NTU for a few times during the beginning of the semester to help teach the young athletes (teenagers) how to fold origami. It was yet another International event that enabled me to relive for a moment the awesome feeling of being in one. It also has an interesting backstory, involving the Universal Studios ticket that we got for free, that almost came to be but it did not happened. And I am glad it did not happen. Amongst the 10 certs, this is the 5^th one I obtained chronologically, in the beginning of sem 5.

When I mentioned the international programme that I was in, it was:

6. The Academic Committee of 38^th International Physics Olympiad Awards to Xin Zhao Ng from Malaysia Honorable Mention 13 to 22 July, 2007, Isfahan, Iran.

It was the one that changed my life, took me away from depression, made me extremely famous in my high school, got me brimming with confidence and turned into arrogance, and put me on the path to become a Physicist. Amongst the 10 certs, this is the 1^st one I obtained chronologically, during my high school years, 1 year before entering NUS.

The second one I obtained would be one year later, just before matriculating into NUS.

7. The International Board of the IPhO awards the Silver Medal to Ng Xin Zhao from Malaysia at the 39^th International Physics Olympiad held in Hanoi, Vietnam July 20-29, 2008.

It was the one that got me into newspaper at last! And the one that I bragged on (in)famously during my first (and second) year in NUS. It was also the time when I learned that my name sounds similar to “Hello” in Vietnam. Making me famous there too. It was partially also with this confidence in the interview that got me into SPS.

Now you had seen: First 4 University Programmes, next 3 International Programmes, and the next 3 are the ones that I treasure the most: Spiritual development, or for those without religion, Co-curricular activities.

8. This certificate is hereby awarded to Ng Xin Zhao for services rendered to NUS Buddhist Society as the Deputy Dharma Director of the 31^st Management Committee. February 12, 2011.

This cert represents a lot of hours attending and organizing NUSBS weekly and annual activities with 14 other friends who are kind and nice. It gives me meaning in my second year of University life and gradually changed me from the Study Machine into someone who is balanced and happy!

One of the toughest moments in my NUSBS life that I burned out, but rekindled in the next cert you see. Amongst the 10 certs, this is the 7^th one I obtained chronologically, during the Dana Lunch 2011, middle of sem 6 for services rendered during sem 3 and 4.

9. This certificate is hereby awarded to Ng Xin Zhao For his services rendered to NUS Buddhist Society as the Vice President of the 32^nd Management Committee AY 2010/11

This is the year when I was at my peak in NUSBS. Doing more jobs than I did in the past year that I did not thought possible, fulfilling a lot of successful events, managed a cool team of people who are nice and kind and good in their own way, and the one year that made me prouder than ever for being in NUSBS. It does gives me a lot of work to let go later on. However, while it lasted, it was nice. Nice to the full end of nice. I miss the 32^nd MC! (Which we have been keeping in touch too, more of that next time.)

It was also reminder of one of the few events in NUSBS that I helped out after stepping down. Yup, hard for me to let go…Dana Lunch 2012 where this cert was given was one such event, making this the last of the cert that I chronologically obtained, in the middle of sem 8. Another activity that I helped out was a bit earlier, it was:

10. Certificate of Participation Awarded to Ng Xin Zhao For the successful completion of Intervarsity Youth Leadership Dharma Camp 2011 (24 to 25^th September)

One of the few things that made this event and Dana Lunch 2012 worth mentioning is that it is when a lot of Buddhist Organizations were involved. In Dana Lunch 2012, the TIBS was invited with 12 External Buddhist Organizations sharing about themselves. In the Intervarsity Youth Leadership Dharma Camp 2011, it was Fo Guang Shan who hosted the TIBS in assisting us to share our common problems and solutions to them. It was a tremendous morale boost to all who participated and I was glad to be one of the few who represented NUSBS in the planning stage, and in the sharing stage. Being the 8^th cert I got, in the middle of sem 7, it also serves as a reminder to not delude myself, and a dangerous reminder of just how easy it was to fall back into delusion without a proper ending to safeguard the mind and senses. Perhaps only one person would understand this, but oh well. I’ll still put it here.

Now that you’ve seen my University life, you can roughly conclude that I was:

Playful and arrogant during Sem 1, so I didn’t got Dean’s List then,

A Study Machine in Sem 2, so I got the Dean’s List,

A research intensive person in Sem 3, part of the reason I am proud to be in SPS,

Getting into more Spirituality in Sem 4, with a meditation retreat in the middle of my internship!

Receiving and making good fortunes in Sem 5, where I got a recognition I didn’t anticipated, and decided to be Vice President of NUSBS,

Got more involved in spirituality than in studies in Sem 6, wherein I still didn’t get Dean’s List and was planning for big things to happen (Intervarsity Dharma Camp and Dana Lunch 2012).

Trying to let go, very hard no less, in Sem 7, wherein I was still involved in NUSBS and

Finally, involved in mentoring in Sem 8, as mentioned in the SPS part.

Done.

Love

I've been reading Ender's series by Orson Scott Card lately, and in it I find a truth that mankind does find one of the highest happiness in mundane live is the holiness in the love between two person. He puts it in the sense of the purpose of living is to love and breed. Why would anyone want to become celibate?

I've been reading the Rave Master Manga too and there is surprisingly a lot of things that I learned over there.

One of the few things is that love is such a powerful force of motivation, it can keep one person to keep on fighting for 50 years. Even love for a person whom you believed to be dead.

Even the Buddha was searching for the truth out of love for all beings in the world. As the motivation goes on, love is the one that can get one to go the distance, and once the river is crossed, it is time to let all attachments go. Yet, compassion and loving-kindness remains, therefore the Buddha came to teach us what to develop in order to see the truth.

Now I know why had I allowed myself to fall in love. I needed more than just theoretical knowledge of all these. I needed the experience, the emotions, the motivations, the hurt, the pain, the understanding of these. I needed to know what I was planning to let go of. I needed to know why did I choose to live such hardships.

It was a risk to fall in love, but I wouldn't regret the outcome either way. Now I know why I'm not regretting this outcome.

Sheldon has a girlfriend

Haha, the lastest episode of the Big Bang theory, The Flaming Spittoon Acquisition was the best one so far in the episode.

Thanks to that, I understand the psychology of a girl's mind more and really amazed by the ability of anyone, regardless of geek or nerd level, to have a girlfriend.

NanoWriMo

Hey guys and gals,

It seems much easier to write on a blog than to write a novel. 50k words in a month! Now November's more than half finished and I am still only on the 20k mark, less than a quarter of the novel in chapters and getting tired of rushing so much, writing stuffs that I'm not sure anybody would read.

Maybe it's better to write here, not much people read this, but at least it's free and people don't mind reading this.

Ah, anyway my novel would be about My NUS Experience, Semester 1, 2008. I wanted to write down this to let those who are interested in coming into NUS (or Singapore to a certain extend) to know what NUS life is like. This can even be used for people to know what University life is like. It is a varsity novel, an autobiography written in my way. Sometimes I think I may had been too detailed in it. Using my gmail, blog, and facebook, I am reconstructing my past, bringing me back to 3+ years ago. It was not easy seeing all my mistakes and blunders and arrogant self back then.

Especially with this blog that is full of spelling mistakes. And I am not sure if anyone would bother to read this, this mundane boring life. Ok I'll do my best to put in my quirkiness inside it, however, there is a limit to how detailed I can make my novel to be without wasting too much words on it.

20k now and school has not yet started! Amazing! These past few weeks has been full of obstacles to writing:
Zen Conference
Cyberarts website
Now I only got Jap 1 to study for, that's good.
SPS Congress, IRCC presentation... etc...
Now after 24th, I'm going to be a Kapiya, so 2 more days gone.... ahhh. so many stuffs to do...

Nope, now I feel very very free. Much more so than previous semesters, as I am now not chasing any anime/shows/movies/games/NUSBS (ok, just a little on this) to catch up with and just mainly concentrating on writing. I am amazed by how much I can just write here and when I need to write the hard parts of my novel, I can procrastinate a lot.

Vice President of NUSBS 2010/2011

Hi,

That's me. Vice President of NUSBS 2010/2011. This is the last 2 days of my term. 2 days before AGM. Now I am beginning year 4 of my undergrad life, and yet I still remember the sweet memories of attending my first NUSBS AGM back in 2008 when I was a freshman.

One of the things I do not like is that most of the posts have no competition, and yet we still have to vote. I even remembered that I asked so many questions to the candidates who were running. And was a bit annoyed at having to reintroduce my name, faculty and year before asking it. One of the questions was: why are year one people not allowed to run for MC?

I guess I didn't noticed Carmen back then. It was late.... very very late..... I was getting hungry and do not want to miss the last bus. It might be that when it was her time, I was a bit frustrated and was not concentrating on the event anymore. It turns out that she was the only year 1 who ran that year. I was just too busy feeling sad and sorry for myself to notice that. Well there were lots of things I think I could have done better, chosen better, cause it will affect the rest of my life.

Why did I missed matric fair? Or else I would had joined in NUSBS earlier..... why did I choose Friday night IS in SPS? Or else I would had attended the whole Welcome Tea, instead of bolting off after paying the $5 membership fee. Then after Welcome Tea it was AGM. And it will be too late to apply for a position now. Well, I didn't asked myself why did I go to Vietnam for IPhO instead of joining in Camp Ehi Passikho...... Nope, silver medal was worth it.

Ok, back to the story. I then wanted to be close with the 30th MC. I had gone for almost every Dharma Circle on Friday night if not all, changing my IS timing in order to do that. I've tried to join in as much BS activities that I find to be free, interesting, and when I am free.

That time, I had Monday nights of classes (SPS), then that ruled out Discovering Buddhism and MDC (both on Mondays), and then there is the Tuesdays Meditation course which is not free, but a Wednesday Meditation interest group which is (I've joined this, or tried to come). And Saturday mornings Welfare visit. Well, having waking up late (after a Dharma Circle, I usually go back to SPS to hang around until very late), and needing to travel outside (money....) I don't go for that one.... not much....

Well, came INCOVAR, I decided to increase more Buddhism in my life, wanting to attend every single activity we have. And during the first Camp Ehi Passikho in East Coast Park...... there was a prep talk by the 30th MCs to the subcoms (including me), briefing about the positions, and the roles that they need to fulfil. Someone jokingly asked me to run for President. I was thinking of only Dharma Director. Then Jacinta said: "maybe next year lah". And then... Carmen, who's the same year as me.... got to become the president, and I got to become the Deputy Dharma Director.

Well, seeing another round of "not much choices" by the voters and the President role only having one candidate.... I was frustrated again. And determined to aim for that post.

I had rescheduled Discovering Buddhism to Thursdays, tried to reopen the closed downed... Meditation Interest Group...Got the Meditation Course which moved to Wednesday, got forced to join in because I'm organising it.....Still going very little for Welfare Visit....or none at all.... joined in MDC finally.... oh and generally, joined in 4 of 5 weekly activities, making me one of the most, if not the most, active member (MC or otherwise) in the society.

One hard long year.....had passed, I've managed to survived, and had a generally bad time in the MC. However each and every activity charged me up... I've experienced becoming a novice, and even joined-organised a retreat! I do like being in the activities a lot.... despite being only me, alone, most of the time. I do like to go out to represent NUSBS too... a lot.

A bad time in the MC, mainly because we were all overworked, I didn't know how to utilise subcoms more efficiently, and I didn't get to be considered as potential President material.

I was aiming for Dharma Director..... again.... then comes a lot of various stuffs, I wanted to quit.... then came other various conditions..... and I came back.... to want to become the President or Vice President.

Eventually, it was decided that I become the Vice President...... I gave up the Pres. for wanting to stay away from Singapore for the whole 3 months of holiday... for summer research.

Well, that year, I ran for President, and Vice President. I wanted a competition, a choice for the voters to make. (Although I keep on telling people not to vote for me as president, and there was only Wai Kit and me running for these two positions, and... I made a speech that does not suit the occasion, talking to bridge the gap between the mindset of having Dharma/fellowship balance, which I saw them arising hand in hand due to people attending activities regularly).

Then I got in. During an intimate sharing session where no words uttered there goes beyond the walls of the temple we had MC retreat in.... I shared the above.

And what happened next.... was that I got to do a lot of things that I wanted to do..... helping to do the President job for a lot of the time, since Wai Kit was so busy with lots of other stuffs. Taking up any job I like and do it the way I like....... utilise and engage the subcoms to much greater and deeper levels than ever before, giving out and distributing jobs to people....

And no one distributed much of any jobs to me.... cause I volunteered for almost everything. Almost all TIBS involvement, all weekly events, etc..... and there really was not any need to give a job to me.... I find them.

One of the things I'm very very glad of was that Wai Kit passing me the president email to take care of for 2-3 weeks during the December holidays when he went to Thailand and India for Buddhism in Asia trip. I felt.... honoured.

I did not get MIT, Caltech and other Universities' Summer research Programme. So having thinking that.... well, it is likely that I'll have a long summer break.... I started to let go..... of the feeling that I didn't get to be the President of NUSBS and yet didn't managed to get to go for Summer research anyway.

Then came London. And I had started to push a lot of the jobs I used to do to Wai Kit.... making him work more and more.... more than me..... I see that as my way of making him deserving of the position that he holds. And right now, I feel, he is a very very good and capable President!

And then I came back from London.... it is all almost over now. Well, as a last wish come true, I got to be the presenter for Prezi Presentation of NUSBS at the Welcome Tea. Something that Carmen did last year.

Just today.... earlier today.... I was in a bus, with Rong En... asking him if he is running for President at Astronomy Society.

He said no. I asked why.

The reply is that Vice President lets you do what you want to do. Not everyone turns to you for what to do and you're not in the spotlight all the time.

I immediately reciprocated well, and finally realised that.... I do not need to be a President. I've gotten what I wanted, and more. I've gotten 14 spiritual friends, 14 special people whom I shall appreciate and treasure... as the whole of the holy life.

Success is getting what you want, happiness is wanting what you get. I'm not successful, I'm happy.

London, the Internship

This is the post that I will review what my feelings about this Internship at the United Kingdom.

Coming to an overseas summer research project has been my dream since I knew about Caltech SURF from Tao Ye who just came back from there to continue on her year 4. A bit late for the usual schooling time, but just nice timing to catch up very fast. I was a freshman then.

I planned so many modules and programmes for myself that I had to take at least 6 modules in NUS every semester, and no way I'm going to go for SEP (Student Exchange Programme). A summer exchange programme is too expensive, and the two other overseas trips (BIA and CHIP) I had the fortune to join in while in NUS are too short (2 weeks).

So this is truly the first time I've ever spend so long overseas (I count Singapore and Malaysia as my home by now) and living alone. It's 10 weeks now, 2 more weeks to go. And thus I have achieved one of my dreams. Thanks to NUS, Imperial College, Hariom, SongHan, and my parents!

In this summer, I had also fulfilled one of my childhood dream of playing Pokemon for real (using the official handheld device) at least before I eventually lose interest in it. Well, seeing that adults rarely play games, I take it that they are a boring species to grow into. Part of the reason I'm still so childish. Now I kinda understand that some adults do play games too, while most seek their pleasure from romantic encounters and a life partner.

Currently I have largely finished Pokemon Black, starting on with Pokemon SoulSilver, and ordered Pokemon Platinum. That's the 3 games I'll play.

Also I've not expected to meet so many friends that I've already known in the United Kingdom during the period that I'm here.

First off it is Carmen.... I guess I didn't realised or care that she when to United Kingdom for SEP. I just knew she's in SEP. So I was kinda like, oh Carmen is in UK too right? Will I get to meet her there? Only after I got the Imperial offer for some time.

Strictly speaking this is not considered as my friend that I knew before, but.... Then my dad's friend, Uncle Kok Heng invited me for a dinner! It was nice. I went to his home too!

And now for the more Imperial side of the story, my cousin, Jia Long is still an Imperial student but.....just nice that he's in USA doing one year exchange and we completely miss each other while I'm in his College....... But then.... his sister, Ting Hui had graduated from Manchester's University and is coming back for work just before I leave. So at least I get to meet one of my cousins.

Then there's of course my Secondary School friends. Ming Wang, who is an Imperial guy! He just when back and introduced me to Franciscans in the UK. Amazing, just how much link there are. And then I found out (embarrassingly) that two other of my Sec School friends who are Franciscans too are in UCL and LSE respectively. (Haven't meet them through)

And now closer to NUS again, Wei Ling came with her parents to London and then to Cambridge for a similar summer intern (shorter than mine). And I get to meet her here at London and at Cambridge when I visited her.

This is not in United Kingdom, but I'll say it still..... Also the SPS gang (including Wei Ling) where I've met my previous room-mate, Hariom, IPhO buddy, Mukhtar, pre-IPhO friend, Tuan Beng, the usual handsome Sandoko, the eating champion Raymond, and tall Wei Guo. Didn't get to see Barry, Yee Ann, and Chern Hui..... but it's cool. Oh and it's during my two days weekend trip to France!

And now I got word that Tzyh Haur (fellow SPS senior, friend) is coming to London! Haha... nice....just amazing how nice a timing I had here.......

Speaking about timing, here are a few amazing events that I've visited since coming to UK. They are just so near and timely that I can't miss it!

1. Pokemon National Championship UK at Birmingham.
2. Rubiks Cube world record (London), 330 people solving in 1 hour at the same place, I was one of them, got a free cube too.
3. Flash mob meditation in London. Went for 2 already, going for the third one just before I leave.
4. BERSIH 2.0 rally (London), just sending our Prime Minister before he goes off to Rome. This is where I met so many more Malaysians in the UK!

Cool timing huh? I didn't expect these to happen while I'm here. But since they did, it's just amazing to join in!

The experience of guarding my wealth and not overspending, in fact, recording down all my expenses so that I don't have to transfer money from Singapore is just harrowing and offers a real insight into what does it means to worry about money. Now that I can clearly see I'm successful in saving lots of money, I'm a bit less worried about this part.

Taking about saving money, cooking meals has been a wonderful experience. However, cooking the same thing for the same person (me) can get boring easily. So, not only do I keep on improving my cooking skills and materials (now my soup taste so good, you'll want some), I'm looking forward to cook for others to enjoy! I kinda understand how a housewive/husband feels like now!

Travelling on foot is one more thing I get to do a lot in the UK. I get to rediscover the passion for travelling (on foot) in me. This is one thing that I love about London!

On the negative side, (to balance out too many perceived positives here) I am interacting with Buddhism far too little here........in favour of comic books..... read almost all the Marvel Ultimate Universe comic books already!

And I'm a bit lonely, didn't make much friends here. Anyway I needed some time for myself. To think, to talk to myself. This is important for the things I'll need to face when I come back to Singapore.

So with three more weeks to go before school reopens, I need to focus on what's up ahead: To finish my work in Imperial and to prepare for my Final Year Project in NUS!

Analysis of Weird People

In this post, I am going to present my views of why weird people (personality wise) are weird and how people generally treat them.

Think of Einstein, think of the typical mad scientist image, think of the various successful people who are weird. Think of the reasoning that if you blend into the crowd, how can you standout in your future? How can a normal person make a huge impact on everyone’s life?

When you can do the common things of life in an uncommon way you will command the attention of the world.

   --  George Washington Carver (1864-1943)

Think now of Bugs Bunny, the Mask, The Pretender, Stephen Chow, Dicky Cheung, Animaniacs, and you can see that there are so many inspiration to be extraordinary.

Well, weird people may also be weird just to make people laugh. To not make people laughing at them, they laugh together too! Making a clown of themselves. Or they might know all the social norms and just decided not to follow them, but to break all of them in a skilful way so that life gets more interesting.

It is also a way to repel girls (mentioned previously) and to make oneself famous (or infamous) extremely fast.

Now whatever the reason is, the weird people are certainly not (not always at least) criminally inclined, crazy nor are they guaranteed to be a super genius. However, they are certainly human beings. Humans with feelings, perception, mental faculties, consciousness, and (for this case) a normal body.

Now let’s concentrate on other people’s responses to weird people. Generally, people who do not understand these weird people will be exactly predictable, as what these weird people want them to behave. For example, if they want, they can portray a super qualified image of them, “humbly” letting information of their past glory leak out so that they become the centre of attention and famous. Or they can move their hands during conversations with others, nodding their heads obsessively, bringing an overlarge accessory (like a 2 litre water bottle), just to freak people out from talking to them a second time. They can even say “You are pretty”, “Are you single?” etc… to a beautiful girl as first greetings. This guarantees no future with any self respecting girl.

So these people who only had to interact once or twice with the weird people are described above. And there are those who had to interact more and frequently with weird people, eg. neighbours, school/work colleague, relatives, normal friends and are not really close enough with these weird people. For these people, they had to develop a defence mechanism in dealing with the weird people (let’s just shorten it to weirdos).

Defence mechanism

1. Interact as little as possible. Making both sides very quiet and awkward silences happen a lot of the time. Practically ignore them. (But then we ignore most people most of the time, and we ignore the fact that we do)
2. Bully the weirdos, just because you can’t understand them, means you got to fear them. The only way to deal if this if you can’t run away is to establish superiority. Once you established superiority against these weirdos, you don’t have to care if they had superior intellect or anything else. Bullying here can extend to a wide range of things. Forgive me for not being politically correct, but it can range from a friendly nudging question like: “You plan to be single all your life?” (the common assumption that you had to be normal to get a girl/boyfriend) to denying work opportunity (discrimination has largely gone against women, races, the disabled, etc…, however, there are wide spread discrimination against weird peoples).
3. Tolerance, we should not discriminate against anyone. So what if they are weird? As long as they are human beings, (or living beings) we should treat them no different from others. This response can be from a religious group that the weirdo joins in, other weirdo themselves. It ranges from smiling at the weirdos, to becoming friends with them (because they can’t stand the rudeness of rejecting/ bullying or ignoring the weirdos), and giving them opportunities to integrate with the rest of the society. Generally, they are seeking to understand the weirdos and help the change weirdos in order to live a more normal or happier life.

Which one of the defence mechanism activates depends very much upon how annoying the weirdo is and how innately good the people who responded are.

And now for those who live their lives with the weirdos, roommates, family, close and best friends. These people know that behind the collection of unusual behaviour, the weirdos are just people. Humans with feelings, perception, mental faculties, consciousness, and (for this case) a normal body. These people treat the weirdos as what they are, best friends, family, close friends, etc… giving the sense of social fulfilment to the weirdos (even if some of the weirdos do not recognise it as social ignorance maybe part of their specialty). These people are the real angels of the weirdos’ life, accepting the weirdos for who they are. Helping them as the tolerant people are and gently steering the weirdos into a society that accepts them and where they can be happy.

However, that said, it is just the personality of the weirdos to seek out the crowd that recognises them as weird and thus they might purposely go to find and manipulate the first group of people a lot. They might also be unlucky enough if they were very annoying then and some of the first group of people became regulars in their life and starts to bully.

Whatever the way it is, the lack of a consistent and coherent fight against the discrimination against weird people may stem from the following reasons:

1. It is difficult to define weirdos, by definition (Ok I know it is contradictory to use these words…), weirdos can exist in every possible society just to break the norms and increase the diversity of the social situation.
2. If a society of weirdos form, it would not boast a long or consistent enough form to have a legal representation as any society that forms from the weirdos will turn the weirdos into beings that does accept the rules of the normal people who joins in societies and have lawyers etc…, in other words, the weirdos has to become normal to join in the weirdo club (weird huh?)
3. This group stagnates https://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=211949258701&v=wall , maybe due to the low density of weirdos that makes the members there unable to ask their friends to join as the members are probably the only weird ones amongst their friends. Also some weirdos are not proud to be weird thanks to the tolerant group who tries to change them.

Well, anyway here’s my contribution to the lacking research and writing materials on behalf of these weirdos. Thank you if you feel weird after reading this.

Extreme

Ok now, too much playtime.

This is perhaps one of the ways I realign myself after going too extreme in one direction or another. Blogging.

I always tend to go to extreme measures of what I believed in. (Extremely long post too.)

First thing off my head is going Vegetarian. Back in my early secondary school, I've read a book about how humans can choose to not eat meat for the sake of compassion for the animals that were killed for the meat. I've gone cold turkey vegetarian then. If it wasn't some resistance plus persuasion that I need meat during this period of physical growth, I would have been vegetarian for a long time by now. Update: currently, I'm pro-vegetarian (for environmental reasons plus compassion), that means I mostly eat vegetarian food, but I do not forbid myself from eating meat. By the way, London is a very good place to be a vegetarian, lots of choices for vegan food here (compared to Singapore).

A few years later I had known Buddhism. Read the books, gone so deep so fast into the theories and accepted what I see as obvious truths, that I decided to have "monk" in my email. As usual, the teachings preach of the middle way, not the extreme way. And I took the extreme way. I decided to be a monk, no I swore to be a monk. A vow, without regard that I have not yet even tasted most of what lay life can give me. If it isn't for the lack of spiritual friends and wisdom, I would not have been out of touch with Buddhism for a period of my life. Of course, it took me years later on to see that the way to Enlightenment is not the extreme way that gets you there faster. It is not a intermediate goal to achieve and get rid off so that I can get on with life. It is rather to realise that life itself is impermanent (still don't realise it, just putting it here to say I don't realise it). Update: Currently I am the Vice President of National University of Singapore Buddhist Society for the academic year 2010/11, going back into Buddhism, gently, calmly, (sorry I still won't use slowly), practising it step by step.

The period of my life that I was out of touch with Buddhism comes Physics. Or should I say science fiction? I've been inspired by the science fiction authors, Asimov, Clark, Leinster, whose (some) stories predicted the future of technology and in some cases science itself! Inspired to be one of the science fiction writers, I took to the science part seriously and took some non-fiction science (physics) books to read and enjoy. My interest in Physics paid off when I got selected to represent Malaysia for the International Physics Olympiad 2007 and 2008 (ya, twice). It was the highlight of my life (up to that point) and it determined my university degree choice. Although I have yet written a science fiction book nor published any short stories in a science fiction magazine, I still do know that part of the reason I took to physics is that I want the science in my science fiction stories to be foolproof, to be real and not discredited by future knowledge and not to mislead the majority of the world who doesn't know the intricacies of consistency of physics (example, any stories that have wormhole, faster than light travel technologies must have a way of explaining away the grandfather paradox. Ya, faster than light means time travel, most science fiction disregard that, and it is not right.)

Let me take another paragraph (or two) to tell you why it is not right. If there is a proof (due to the ultimate quantum gravity theory) that time travel of all sorts are impossible, or at least chronology is protected. Then it is a guide for how much can humans hope to conquer the stars. If time travel are impossible, we will have to stick to the hope that we can go close to light speed and use the time dilation as a practical means of space travelling (like Orson Scott Card's Ender series). If not, then we will have to stick to building a whole world for generations to live in for a trip to the next star system (like Rendezvous with Rama, only the first book, by Clark). And all science fiction stories should follow their example to set a realistic outlook for the general public to know that the future is going to be much harder than we thought. Therefore we need to stick together and aim for a bright future for humanity, and not frown upon petty disputes, wars, allow our planet to warm up too much too fast, and concentrate on what matters to the survival of the species (least we meet the same fate as the Earth in Asimov's End of Eternity).

So in a larger sense, theoretical physicist, even mathematicians are contributing to the world. In fact, when humanity turn back and look upon this period of time, they would credit them most for being the base and the backbone for space-travel to be real.

Ok, back to the issue, so Update: I am still reading up on science fictions (after a break, recently read the main Dune series) and knowing what do I want to write about. By the way, Imperial College London has a great Science Fiction Library! It's cool to hang out there!

After getting into NUS and studying what I wanted to study, two important changes came into my life: Laptop (with high speed internet) and living away from parents. This brings us to extreme entertainment. (Maybe I should include the relief of having gone through so many exams and test to come to University only to repeat it every semester.) I had seen so many series, superhero cartoons, played so many video games that I was gradually getting my laptop to be free from computer games and try not to get hooked up to more than one series (of drama/anime/comedy/etc) per semester. Update: I just brought Pokemon Black with a special edition of Nintendo DSi, and I have been on it for about 30 hours now. By the way, in London, the game looks cheaper, and lots of pokemon events are in United Kingdom! Including a National Video Game Championship!

With the lowering down my concentration on games and getting back on my feet with Buddhism and Physics, I've stumbled upon the thing that most songs, movies, layperson, books mentioned or based upon. It is the single essential thing for the continuation of the human species and for most people the meaning of their lives. It is love, Boy-Girl Love. Initially I didn't started out extremely in love, in fact, I was the extreme not eligible single guy out there (read the post about how I used to repel girls).

However, in front of her, in her presence, I automatically get a hold of myself and stop pretending to be weird and kiddish. I made sure I undo all the undesirable things in me that I've made into part of my habit. I was not behaving naturally as me. Soon I found that I was trying hard to change myself (this is part of the reason, there are other reasons not to be too weird). Soon it became obvious that I was much happier with her around, I enjoyed thinking about her every single time free time that I had. And I also faced a great battle within me, one that I had to choose which future path to take. One that is essentially captured in the movie Samsara. I had tried and tried, so.... hard to forget about her and remember impermanence, non-self, and suffering, but every single time I see her, I cannot help but fall in love again.

I guess in terms of being extreme, I did this: I broke off the vow of being a monk in order to chase her (this is just basic requirements), and when I did it, I inadvertently put her as the meaning of my life. That is extreme. Extreme is also not thinking this through, what if she rejects me? What if we were not meant for each other? I didn't think that through when I changed the meaning of my life so suddenly. I didn't know that there is only one of two roads to head for when saying "I love you" to a girl: you either get rejected/break up eventually or you get married. All I could think of then was that I was prepared to get committed, to overcome my repulsion towards the idea of settling down with another human being, sharing everything. And I certainly did not know how painful it was when someone rejects you. Maybe it was not as painful if I had not been too extreme (again), if I had stayed back, held back and see, really see without attached love blinding me, what chances have we together, before pouring out so much emotions into one person. Perhaps the stupidest thing I had done is to make myself receive multiple rejections, after telling myself each time to lay it off. Gradually it worked, mind training paid off a little, and I am getting more and more neutral, more and more into getting used to being single and not infatuated. By the way, this trip to London helps a lot! I am alone here! Yippie!

I had made it a policy to not include sad, defamatory, personal attack, provocative, and unmemorable things in this blog, or to shorten the painful ones as much as possible. This policy, however, did not force me to say: I am glad I fell in love anyway. It is better to have love and lost than not to have love at all. I had learned much from this experience, how to make friends, how to court a lady, to see just how strongly dedicated am I to my cause, to write this as neutral as possible without any hurtful emotions, to finally appreciate all the love stories and songs, to know how much more I need to train up. Update: currently, not wanting to experience all these again.

So now, back to the theme: Extreme. What had being an extremist taught me? Well, maybe I am a bit too extremely frank about my life here. In this public space, I am sharing the turmoil and thoughts of my personal life. Well, maybe that's just my style. Being too extreme is a way of life. It does not guarantees that you get what you want, but it does guarantees suffering, one way or another, suffering is an essential part of our lives. It teaches us as most people would say. I say it motivates for the practice. The practice to end all sufferings, the Noble 8 Fold-path, the middle way (between extremes).

P.S. Sorry it may look like I'm saying being a monk is the extreme way. I meant that I think of myself as an enlighten one at that time, thus deluded myself into a serious depressed state when I discovered that I was far from perfect. Thus I needed to remove myself from all things Buddhism to regain some sanity back.

Resume

Name: Ng Xin Zhao

Fellowships and Awards:

Honourable Mention for the International Physics Olympiad 2007

Silver Medal for the International Physics Olympiad 2008

Anugerah Belia Remaja Pendidikan 2008

Dean’s List 2009, Semester 2

USP Honours Roll 2010

Education:

Malacca High School: Upper and Lower 6.

Obtained Sijil Tinggi Persekolahan Malaysia

Sijil Tinggi Persekolahan Malaysia (Malaysian Higher School Certificate)
Pengajian Am (General Paper)	A-
Mathematics T	A
Further Mathematics T	A
Physics	A
Chemistry	A

National University of Singapore (NUS): Currently year 3 Majoring in Physics, second major in Mathematics.

Part of the Special Programme in Science (SPS), exposed to research early

Part of the University Scholars Programme (USP), a multidisciplinary Programme that accepts 3% of the whole NUS undergraduate students.

Part of Special Programme in Mathematics (SPM).

Areas of Research Interest or Areas of Specialization or Areas of Competence/ Expertise or Principal Research:

Physics, Mathematics, Done review on Closed Timelike Curves (General Relativity), Done Computational Research on finding Consistent Closed Timelike Curve in van-Stockum Universe, Photonics: micro ring resonator, Quantum information: Nonlocality Distillation.

Skills acquired:

Basic C programming, reviewing paper, writing research paper, Matlab, Mathematica, Presentation skills, poster making.

Jobs:

Taught Further Mathematics Personal Tuition for 2 months.

Internship at Data Storage Institute (DSI) as research assistant for 3 months.

Languages: English, Chinese, Malay.

Volunteering Experiences:

Youth Olympic Games 2010 in Singapore.

Co-Curricular involvement:

Assistant Publication of NUS Physics Society for 2008/09

Deputy Dharma Director for NUS Buddhist Society for 2009/10

Vice President of NUS Buddhist Society for 2010/11

Outside of Classroom involvement:

Joined Science Buskers and won the qualifying round.

Global Programme with USP, Buddhism in Asia, focusing on research at Singapore, Thailand and Taiwan.

Short-term noviciation for monkhood programme in Mangala Vihara for 15 days.

Others: Mensan

Something about me-Ng Xin Zhao

I was born in Malacca in 1989, and raised there until form 6, where I took STPM (Malaysia's equivalent to A-levels) and then I came to NUS studying Physics and second majoring in Mathematics.

On financial aid, I decided to make full use of the opportunities in NUS, so I joined in University Scholar's Programme, Special Programme in Science and Special Programme in Mathematics in addition to my double major. Other than that, I also dabble in CCA, joining in Physics Society, Nam Wah Pai (Chinese Martial Art) and Buddhist Society. Currently I'm only active in NUS Buddhist Society as the Deputy Dharma Director and going to take up the Management committee again this year.

Well, let me talk more about my social life, which is more relevant to the module of Human Relations. During my (all boys) secondary school life, I was labelled as a bookworm, for bringing a book wherever I go and reading whenever I got the chance to. I was a social clutz and mostly live in my own world.

After going to High School, I started to actively interact and be more outspoken in the class, also it is a bit of adjusting to do sitting in a mixed (gender) class. This is because I got inspired by the few “Jokers” in my classes who got lots of attention and popularity. Being addicted to the taste of popularity after getting top results and skipping a grade in my primary school, I modelled myself to be funny, strange and good to regain the popularity, and I was the most infamous person in school!

Due to some good fortune and lots of reading due to interest, I got selected to represent Malaysia in the International Physics Olympiad (IPhO) in 2007 and 2008. This did much to boost my self confidence and make me even more famous. My blog which I started in 2007 (my last year of high school) http://ngxinzhaomonk.blogspot.com/ got lots of hits after I got silver medal in 2008. During the 2007 IPhO, I collected the emails of almost every participants, thus almost all my shyness in talking to strangers at a social event evaporated there.

The Olympiad allows me to have the opportunity to stay in a local University (UKM) to study physics there even before I got admitted to any university. So for the two months there I felt the first real taste of what loneliness is in the nights. I was away from family and friends and there wasn't much to do at night. This is in stark contradiction with the self-image that I had of me being a lonely traveller (and liking it).

The loneliness ends when I joined in their Buddhist Fellowship activities and made new friends there. I even got to star as the baby Prince Siddhārtha (the Buddha) in their biggest annual activity! My involvement in Buddhist Society in NUS (attending 4 out of 5 of the weekly activities per week during my second year) continues on mainly through interest and spiritual commitment. Using my new found social skills (not being shy) and weird (and unique) personality, I felt just at home in NUSBS.

However there is another home in NUS for me, and that is SPS. It's mainly because I spend so much time in the SPS room (sleepovers, homework, permanent placement of my laptop, friends and boardgames). Being a relatively small community (50-30 people per batch), I know everyone in SPS and everyone knows me!

Despite all these homes, I still feel that I'm in adequate in social skills and human relationships as exemplified my friends at both homes that I'm just like Sheldon in the Big Bang Theory (Social skills wise, but at least I do learn). Hence the interest in this module!

A short thing about me, denouncing the IPhO

Hi,

I'm got interested in Maths first, then as my education progresses on, science caught my attention, but it wasn't until after the spliting of science into 3 disciplines that I found out that it is Physics that I like about Science. Not surpisingly, it is also the one with the most maths in it.

And so after my secondary school education, high school provides me with many books, popular science books, books that tells me of the 30 years that shook physics, or the formation of Quantum Mechanics, the progress of Physics from Galelio to Einstein, the particle physics, and most importantly, the Unification of Physics, String theory, and others. All these pushes oneself to really love Physics. I kinda remember the days of learning Special Relativity on my own, through the net. It was a treasure trove that I desparately wish to share with others!

Then came the International Physics Olympiad, that had really sealed my fate with Physics, my University major could be nothing else. What's more I've went twice! Representing Malaysia. However, as I look back on it now, the IPhO students knows only how to solve the physics problems, they are not really well versed in deeply understanding Physics. As Physics Undergraduates, we should be proud, because we are greater than the Olympiad student, we understand Physics! Thank you.

Different parts of me

As we go through our daily life, we take on different roles, this post is to record down what roles I am taking now.

Bookworm: Avid book reading fan would be a nicer way to put it. I read fiction, non-fiction, many stuffs, as long as I'm a NUS student, I should make use of the library services. Currently reading: Shadows of the Mind by Roger Penrose.

Roommate: As a roommate, I really talk little with my roommate. I go to room for these functions: sleep, meditate, put my stuffs, prepare to shower, read and wash clothes. Currently sleeping time: 10pm-8am..... quite long.

Malaysian: Just the occasional joining in MSL activities. Most of the people I initially know from there are in SPS anyway... so not much point going there anymore. Malaysian... kinda prevents me from taking A*Star's extremely nice scholarship (that requires one to eventually become a Singaporean). Also prevents me from joining in Rovers and ODAC cause a lot of their activities are in Malaysia, Singapore price. Long time didn't sing the Negaraku already... compared to the weekly (or daily in Malacca High) singing back in school. Anything I spend here, I rarely convert it to Malaysian Ringgit in my mind too. Just kinda glad I'm in Singapore.

USP-ian: As a USP person, I rarely go to the place called Chatterbox, however, I do take their modules (Current module: Understanding Irony) and also gone to a trip called Buddhism in Asia: Thailand and Taiwan with them. Joining in their Freshmen Orientation Project, as a Group Leader.

SPS-ian: I'm more of a SPSian, more than anything else. In terms of putting my laptop in SPS all the time and spending most of my time there, and most of my closest friends are there. (oh sorry here, I'm in the room now). I'm becoming a Junior Mentor here, and it's going to be nicer and nicer.

Geek: My definition of geek here is someone who likes superheroes, comic books, manga, seeing cartoons, and doing... you know dorky stuffs. Ok, my geekiness has been confined to Big Bang Theory, Wizards of Wavery Place and OnePiece, three 20minutes per week, but not every week. Oh and gaming, don't forget gaming. I've deleted most of my computer video games already and recently am playing board games, Dominion, Through the Ages, Cash and Guns, Agricola, and various others....... so cooolllll games that USP and Boardgame Interest group has, ussually on Tuesdays night.

Stressed out person: Not so much at all. I've been trying to live a stress free life for these few weeks, and I think by the long time I didn't blog in March, I'm doing it well.

NUSBSMC: Been doing the job... quite well I think, there're ups and downs in this job. Currently, down. Even if the jobs are done well, and there're just a few more left, I'm kinda dreading having to do it all over again next year.......

Medical Dharma Circle: I've been joining in this wonderful group of Buddhist which has considerable history behind it and I really enjoy the Monday nights that I'm with them. I've been speaker for the sessions 2 times already so far.

CQT: I've just joined this group of physicist from this semester onwards, for my UROP, still in the process of finding out stuffs and reviewing. I'm taking it wayyy to slow. They are a kind group of people too, we've gone for an outing to a reserviour in Singapore, didn't imagined Singapore has jungle tracks in there and a hanging bridge that is veeeeeeerrrrry high, I walk through it! yay. And I got a free treat of 3D movies from them too last night, on Alice in Wonderland and How to train your dragon, both very good movies! Oh and our group is going to celebrate birthdays by dinner!

Physics: The most common activity I do, other than the modules, is to go for tea every Friday. Or every Friday that I'm free. Oh and also momentum, where I'm the co-editor is published and given to all physics majors! yay!

Nam Wah Pai: Taking over my weekends is the Nam Wah Pai, Chinese Kung Fu that is established in Singapore. Saturday 2-5p.m. and Sunday 6-8:30p.m. the Sunday one is for the training for a Competition that I'm joining in the free sparring.

Family: Other than the occasional online contacts, I've kinda alone (ok with friends) here, and (sadly or not) not ever homesick in the whole of 2 years here. I've visited a lot of relatives here and heavily make use of my uncle's hospitality during one of the holidays. And I kinda look forward to cousin reunion. Dunno when.....

And of course
Blogger: I've spend some considerable amount of time in Blogging. kinda. Just check out this blog.......

New Semester again!

Wow, I overdid myself in the last semester, as shown by my declined CAP results. Not going to show it here, just sufficient to tell you guys that I'll be borderline first class by the end of this upcoming sem.

I'll be taking 6 modules now:
Quantum Mechanics 2
Nuclear Astrophysics
Particle Physics
Experimental Physics 2
Undergraduate Research Opportunity Programme in Quantum Correlations
Understanding Irony

And I hope to be able to crash in for these 2 modules:
Cosmology
Science at the Nanoscale

That alone is quite busy already, but I'm also the Deputy Dharma Director of NUS Buddhist Society. And I intend to join in 4 out of 5 weekly activities of NUSBS. Monday: Medical Dharma Circle, Wednesday: Meditation Course, Thursday: Discovering Buddhism, Sutta Studies, Friday: Dharma Circle.

And continuing my Saturdays Martial Arts: Nam Wah Pai.

Now I wanna add in meditation and Tai Chi as my daily activities!

And writing books too. I got to think of my future career somewhat. I hope to use the time I used to play games to write books, or to meditate. And writing in this blog makes me feel like I'm reorganizing myself and reorientating myself for the semester from my holidays.

Indeed my holidays are quite Holy days. Out of the 5 weeks holidays, 3 and a half are used in Buddhist activities. or maybe 4....

Last semester after I've finished my exams, I've straight away moved to my uncle's home and then came back to Malaysia to Ipoh to attend my cousin's wedding. Thanks to my laptop, I've managed to read some physics for my next semester along the way.

Then after coming back from Ipoh, I've got accompanied by a friend to Singapore to attend NUSBS Dharma Camp. We were late on the first day but we enjoyed to rest of the camp all the same. It's really tiring to be one of the organisers for the camp, but it does serve to increase my spirituality level afterwards, even my SPS friends feel that I'm a whole new different person after the camp!

After the 7-11 December of Dharma Camp, I've come back to NUS to settle my UROP project application. And the very next day I've gone to Mangala Vihara temple to be a 15 day novice monk. Spend my Christmas night chanting Buddhanusati 108 times. A feeling of indescribable calmness and beauty shines through the atmosphere. On the very next night, I was walking through Orchard road in Singapore as a layperson with my uncle and his family. The very next night, I'm walking through Jonker street and visiting the good old nostalgic Malacca. And the very next night, I'm in Petaling Jaya, just to find out that my lapie has crashed! Oh well, I've backed up the important NUS folder in my pen drive and I've not deleted much of my gmail emails, so I'm ok with using SPS computers as I'm doing now.

After a few days of rest and doing a power point sharing of my monkhood programme, on 31st December 2009, I and my parents went to Kuala Lumpur International Airport to welcome a youth from Taiwan by the name of 陈幸君. We are to host her in our home for 3 days before she goes on to the International Buddhist Youth Conference held in Malaysia!

We got quite a fun time letting her observe and see the various places in Malaysia, including KLCC, Pavillion , Ma Zu temple in KL, Jonker Street, Dataran Pahlawan in Malacca, Tzu Chi Malacca. We also shared many knowledges and cultures. It turns out that Taiwan and Malaysian Chinese shares so much in common! Perhaps the best exchange is for my sister, Ching Siang, her friend, Kei Shing, and Hsing-Chun to bond together and become really good friends. There's even a plan for my sis and Kei Shing to go to Taiwan near Chinese New Year to visit Hsing-Chun using their own money!

As for me in Malacca, I've visited my 2 most memorable school, St. Francis Institution and Malacca High School. It's really a nostalgic feeling of all those years there. The friends, the nerd periods, the feeling oppressed periods, the times where I feel like the top of the nation, the crush period, the 6 years out of the last 8 years. Hard to believe that time flies out so fast and yet it feels just like not too long ago. And by the way, I've seen amazingly cool pictures of me receiving a silver medal in Vietnam (not taken by me, so not in my Facebook) in the Notice boards of Malacca High School. And my colour photocopy of the Silver medal cert is in there too! It seems that I've become quite a legend in High School and inspiring many upcoming youngsters in pursuing physics, at least I hope so. Anyway, I've gone to NUS straight after coming back from Singapore so this is one of the first chances for me to appreciate my Silver medals impact on my old school.

And I've came back to Singapore on the 3rd January 2010. On the very next day again, I've joined the NTU Buddhist Society Dharma Camp and had lots of sharing of Dharma there. It's a new experience for me to not show off my rubics in camp as usual, and in general to keep my ego and flirtatious me in check. My spirituality really increased a lot after the camp and made quite a few good Dharma Friends there! I never had such good and nice sharing of the Dharma there ever before! And I've came back from the camp just yesterday.

Which brings me back to yesterday, after coming back I'm kinda bombarded by the stressfulness of a NUS Student life again..... by the Experimental Physics 2 briefing at first.... then by everything that I've not done during the holidays and yet so little time to do them.

It takes some time to get used to adjusting back to student life again after the peaceful, calmness, beautiful life as a novice and participant of NTUBS Dharma Camp. And Now it takes me back to the present. I'm signing off as I'm going back to Woodlands now!

As mentioned, 1 week of my holidays is in NUSBS Dharma Camp, 2 weeks as a novice, half week in NTUBS Dharma Camp, and (another half?) hosting Hsing-Chun. So my holidays are quite Holy days.

Woke up on the night of Friday

On Friday night, I went to the Dharma Circle as usual. This time, the topic is on meditation. The speaker talks on the 4 conditions for sucess. Will, Effort, Focus, and reevaluation. And also on various other topics, like the 5 hindarances of meditation: anger, sensual desires, sloth and torpor, restlessness, and Doubt. And it made me realise that I wasn't thinking clearly since I came back from Vietnam. I was obsessed with studying, immersing myself in it and I'm not even bothered to acknowledge my mental existance.

I've stwiched from obsession to buddhism to obsession to studying. Thus, not allowing any time for me to think clearly, to be of clam mind, to be aware of what I'm doing. STPM was a good time where I was clam all the time, I know how to answer the questions and I'm good in my memories. Compared to now, I was mentally more advanced then.

So I realised that to suceed in my quest, I must not abandon the cultivation of the mind. I like training, I trained myself in terms of Buddhism, then in terms of Physics, and just recently in martial arts. Training has the strange ability to allow you to like what you are training on. And to hone the skills that would last as long as training lasted. It's not always happy while you're training, but looking at the end result and you're happy with it, you've not wasted your time training.

Training myself in the sense of controling my time, I have suceeded in doing the following things in the last week.

• Gone to a Buddhist activity, the last Dharma Circle for this sem
• Gone for training in Nam wah Pai
• Played Badminton with Physoc people
• Sleep around 4.4 hours each in 6 nights.
  
• And slept 17 hours last night.
• Managed at last to study more than 70 hours in a week.
• Watched 2 movies.
• Read story books.
  
• Attended a Black hole talk
• Gone for a interview,
• Attended 2 more module talks,
• Played some LEGO,
• And done lots of homeworks.

So waking up, I know that I'm not a human studying machine, I'm a superhuman, capable of what I'm like to do! Ok fine, a lame thing to say. Now to add in the list, I want to have some time to write stories and meditate, and train on martial arts and physics more.

Vow

5 years ago, a kid vowed to do all he can to attain enlightment in this very lifetime. That vow was made in the form of wanting to become a monk. Casting aside the 15 years worth of morality, the kid put the base of this vow right at the bottom of his soul. He treated it as a goal to fight for, just like Goku fighting all those tough bad guys, he did his best to uphold the good conduct passionately, but at last, inexperience and wrong views caused him to think that he's perfect when he's not. As a result, he suffered, Suffered more than anything on earth can induce, cause it's self inflicting. The deeper he got, the more he struggled, the harder it was to break free from that suffering. The suffering that hunts him every second of his waking moments. Up on to the edge of insanity. Then he forgot about it and just studied.

Time passed and time healed his wound, he realised bit by bit where did he got wrong, He learned that he's too rushed in the one thing that he should slow down on. He got control of his mind back, bit by bit and stabilized. And turned his interest in something else, something that he can fight passionately for, something that can fill the gap inside of him. And he was rewarded in the field, making him as happy as he had been before, and so he got stronger and stronger everyday. Until the time comes that he should face what's been bothering him again. But this time, he took his time. Mixing with friends in a local University, he was happy learning the truth step by step. Then the motto of just having fun became his reason to live on. But one year passed, and we come to the present, many stress has developed that he can no longer justify living is for fun. He must have another goal, a reason to live for, something to motivate him to fight.

Today, I finally remembered that vow, and how that kid misused it to his misery. Today I realised that the vow is not a dream, it's not a goal to fight for passionately, it's not something you can achieve and then aim for another. It's for the dissolution of passion, it's for the end of suffering, it's the ultimate, the last aim of my life. So I'm not going to forget it anymore. Cause I vowed from the bottom of my heart. I'm going to be more aware of my conduct, my actions, speech and thoughts. I'm going to find another goal in life in the meantime, until such a chance arise that I should have nothing else to do, I'll put on the robes. Now, I'm a physicist, I'm going to contribute to the world, I'm going to fight passionately.

And until the time comes that I should stand more firmly in the Dharma, I may consider taking bodhisattva vows.

Now I can remember how to laugh and love from the bottom of my heart.

Report of the 39th International Physics Olympiad 2008 for MHS magazine

I am proud and grateful to be able to represent Malaysia in the 39th International Physics Olympiad(IPhO) 2008 held in Hanoi, Vietnam from 20th of July 2008 to 29th of the same month.
Of course such a chance to represent the country, we must have gone through vigorous training, so on 18-21 February 2008; 49 Six Formers students in Physics are invited from High Schools all over Malaysia to participate in the 1st Training Camp at UKM. While we are being cramped with 1st year Physics, we are expected to take a selection test at the last day! The Malaysian Institute of Physics decided to allow interested students to stay on in UKM to concentrate in Physics Trainings. I was the only one who took up this offer and I stayed on in UKM from 18th of February to 25th of April to continue my training.
After the 3rd training camp, on 21-25 April 2008, the final 5 were selected and I was one of them. The other 4 are Muhd. Khairul Azri b. Zulkipli from Mara, Selangor, Saw Siong Keat from Chung Ling High School in Penang and from Klang High School, classmates Phan Chow Fu and Kee Wee Siong. We went for two more training camps and then on to Vietnam after arriving at UKM on the 17th July. We flew to there on the 20th and checked into our hotels.
On the 22nd we had our theoretical exam for 5 hours followed by the Experimental Exam on the 24th. On the 28th we attended the Closing Ceremony of the IPhO 2008. Phan Chow Fu was awarded Honourable Mention and I was awarded Silver Medal. Of the 380+ contestants from 82 countries, I had come up no.73 with 27.9 /50 marks. We came back on the 30th of July, staying one more day to enjoy Vietnam.
After reaching the airport, I was interviewed by reporters from sinchew. We took a group photo, including our Professors who trained us very hard. I would like to express gratitude towards Mr. Wee who trained me and recommend me, Mr. Tan, a retired but good Physics Teacher, Professor Roslan who taught me Quantum Mechanics, Dr. Geri, who Lead us in the IPhO Vietnam, Pn. Chin for making the trips from Penang to KL just to teach us some more Physics, and Mr Chia who coordinated with Mr Fadzil, making our trip free for us. I am grateful for being able to make history in Malaysia by scoring the first Silver Medal in IPhO. It’s an improvement from what I got last year of which I, still a student in Malacca High School, got Honourable Mention in IPhO. This is a great experience which I will treasure for life. And I hope the future generations of young Malaysians can keep on improving the Physics Standards of our country.
P/S: This article will most probably come out in the School Magazine in 2009, so practically no one will have known me personally. I am a six former in Malacca High School, Alpha Class for 2006-07, perhaps those from St. Francis Institution might have seen me before, I was in class of 5H 2005.
Written by,
Ng Xin Zhao

Anugerah Belia Remaja Pendidikan

On 18th of May 2008, I attended the ending of the Minggu Belia Negara 2008. I arrived with my parents on 3:40p.m. and had not much difficulty to find where should we go. About 1 hour later, I first talked to Azali, the 21A in SPM boy. I asked for his contact first and we launched into talking. About 1 hour later, we were asked to sit in the left side of the stage. And we resumed talking until 7 p.m. when we are finally given our prize. Where the MC had mistaken our accomplishments. After that we had a free dinner and gone back at 7:40p.m.

Me and My parents here.

Azali was supposed to be first but
I got the prize first, after the MC said, here's our IPHO guy,(we switched places) with an outstanding 21As in SPM (we were confused) from Kedah (we switched again), let's welcome:
Ng Xin Zhao( then I just gone there, a bit sorry for taking Azali's accomplishments)

Here's Azali

We laughed at the mistake just now.

Our respective families.

We got: the glass thing, cert, A big fake RM 2000 cheque(British spelling) or check(USA), and the real one of course. Ha ha.

Form 6 : A Reflection

My Form 6 dream started a few months before SPM. I told Ronald and Han Meng (if my memory serves me right) that I can't wait for form 6 to finish in reply to their can't wait for SPM to finish.

My dream in form 6 is to make a really good friend (preferably a girl), score top in my class, get 100 in all subjects, take up 7 subjects (plus Chinese and Bio) 4 or 5 or 7 flat is a must of course, get popular and most importantly, enjoy my form 6. Look, I was a introvert, book wormish guy and didn't know any girls outside of my primary friends, and didn't even got into top 10 back in my form 5 boys school, with a history of getting 1st in class. So it was only logical to have those dreams.

Malacca High School had been a strange disappointment to me. It's toilet was dirty, the girls not too pretty (sorry ah girls, if you're pretty, this doesn't includes you). The first best thing that happened to me is having my group win the first week's presentation and me as the leader went up stage and received the prize, instant fame! It's not a fully unsatisfactory victory through, I had no experience as a leader and had to rely on other team members to "take over" my job and make our group the best.

I had also made my first enemy during Lower 6. He was just another bully type just that that time, I had run out of my virtues. Now I wish to thank him for teaching me to see who I became then and giving me a chance to change myself. Well, all this happens more in my mind than our interactions.

Ok instead of going through all the form 6 experiences, I'll summarize on the accomplishment of my dreams. Well, my social ability improved, a lot. Even if not enough to make a best friend, I'm confident that I'll improve on further. The popularity factor I had succeeded quite well, well because of unexpected and good circumstances. I took up Further Maths, was famous as a weird Tai Chi fellow, but after I got into the national team of the International Physics Olympiad, I was more famous than ever! Now only the number 1 in class hadn't been realized. Not only I didn't got it, my STPM didn't even get a perfect score! So on a sour note, I had something to regret, but I had gain more out of form 6 than if I hadn't gone into it.

Even now I am still reaping the benefits of form 6, 2 days later, I'm going to receive a prize, not to mention I went to Port Dickson the week before STPM as an finalist for the excellence in co-curriculum award for secondary boy students. And in July I'm going to make Malaysia proud.
Well all this is because of my good karma. I better sow some more good karma while I'm still reaping the good effects.

I hereby apologize if my words sounded arrogant to you. Sorry!