Wednesday, November 10, 2010

How to Repel Girls

If you're a rich guy, single and not interested in the multitude of girls coming around and chasing you for your money, you've come to the right place to learn: How to repel girls!

In here are techniques no one who ever wants to marry should ever set their eyes on. This is to avoid the danger of unconsciously acting the techniques below and scare off your potential girlfriend.

Here goes your potential girlfriend:
  1. Act weird. Try as much as possible to be as weird as possible. For example, you can show some random hand gesture and talk to yourself in pretence (or maybe in reality) whenever you're thinking of something. Be as self-absorbed as possible, ignoring all awareness of your social image. You can also act drunk after some activity you do a lot, like after eating too full, you can't walk properly and you get high, even without a sip of alcohol. Most (sane and normal) girls would avoid you if you're successful in acting weird. Be wary through, the amount of practise you need to do in order to be weird may take months, during which you might adopt it as part of you and be weird for the rest of your life, destroying a lot of social image of yourself in the process. However, don't act weird in front of your potential boss, supervisor, or someone you want to befriend with, it repels them too.
  2. Act kiddish. Girls don't like grown ups who behave like they are still kids, jumping around and playing the fool, making fun of everything and saying "so cool" all the time. Normally girls look out for people who are mature enough to take care of them, so be immature if you want to repel these type of girls. A sure win is to observe the social protocol and say the one taboo thing in any event that anyone should not say. Usually kids get away with it because they are supposed to still be learning the social protocol of the society. Unless you got a cute smile on your face when you say something awkward like that, you may get a beating or similar social set backs. Saying you want to be a superhero helps too.
  3. Flirt around, openly to all. Keep on talking to multiple girls, individually, try to say that they are beautiful on the first time you met her, or maybe on the 4th time you met her. Flirt openly around to multiple girls and make sure the other girls you flirt with knows that. A good technique is to hang out with your guy friends and say which girls is the prettiest within earshot of the girls you're trying to repel. Make sure you say more than one girl who is pretty, and change your mind a lot. Girls usually like guys who are loyal and truthful, so doing that dramatically decreases your chance of having any serious relationship.
  4. Say weird things to girls. For example: your hand is so pretty. They will shy away from you and think that you're a pervert. Remember to say it when it is not appropriate in your relationships to say that. Referring to the sexiness of the body when you're just new friends with a girl will usually keep them away as they will think that you are only interested in her body. In the case of a girl so shameless as to be practically a hooker, say something like how long have you not bathed or brushed your teeth or try to explain some complicated physics equations to her (only if she is repellent towards physics or learning in general). If that doesn't work, keep on being aware of the most socially awkward thing to say and say it at the time when the effect is the greatest.
  5. Openly admit and say that you intend to be a celibate. This may include being a priest or a monk or any deep religious practise that requires celibacy. This will deter any girls who are serious in their relationships and wise enough to see that if they don't want to get a heart break eventually, they better not start any relationship with you. If they don't see that, you can mention it to them to remind them. Remember to be-careful not to say it too openly if you've some family members who seriously wants you to continue your family linage.
  6. Give a valentine's gift or put her into your blog, spreading some gossips about her in the process. This technique works when you're not good friends (or maybe close friends) with the girl enough and suddenly you spread gossips that you like that girl and even put that in your blog. And also to give a valentine's gift for her out of the blue as the first open statement to her that you're having a crush on her. The girl might (out of anger or feeling disrespected (you were entertaining yourself in the spreading of the gossip and not caring about the feelings of the girl anyway, she does deserve to feel that way)) reject your gift (unless she's into you and seriously don't mind being played with like that) and there your potential girlfriend list is reduced by 1.
Ok, that's about it for now, there are many other techniques, including defaming yourself, promoting your negative values and attributes, be uncaring, ungentle, ungracious, rude, impolite, demanding, looking down on others (i.e. the girl), acting perverted, etc... but these are a bit more extreme and may potentially get rid of your guy friends too (if acting weird or kiddish didn't already do that).

Also apparently acting gay might induce the girl to be attracted to you (as seen in Kick-Ass), as she thinks you don't have any perverted interest in girls and allow you to go close to her.

That said, if you do intend to get a girlfriend and you read all the above anyway, don't worry, it's hard to do the above if you don't have any intention to scare off the girl you like. If you already have all these girls repelling technique used and you're in a boy-girl relationship, married, or still there are some girls not repelled by you, you better appreciate that girl as she is unique and truly loves you.

If you're a failure in relationships and repel girls naturally, try to see if you have any of the above techniques in activated in passive mode and deactivate them as necessary to even remotely have a chance of getting a girl to like you.

Girls, please point out any mistake here if there is and if any of you are willing to go out with someone who has all the 6 points above, email me! (By the way, if no girls do that, I think this qualifies as another girl repelling technique)

1 comment:

Ng Xin Zhao said...

Due to negative results of negative control (no girls usually come and email me to want to date me), I cannot conclude that this post does repels girls too. However, there is a better way than all these methods above: Just say no.

All these methods are developed specifically in the last ~2 years and is recorded down here because the author is falling in love.

As a result of falling in love, the author shall unlearn all these techniques. Thus this post serves as a testimony of how crazy the author was once.

It is also written in a sarcastic way so that the readers will just take this as a joke and not really follow it as it is detrimental to one's relationship and personal life if one really learns the techniques in the post. Thank you!