Feeling

There is a feeling of being in love, and there is a feeling of not being in love. Only recently has I had a chance to explore these feelings. There is nothing inherently good nor bad in choosing to be in one or another. Just that there is a path of less suffering, and a path of more suffering. I used to think that I had no choice, being inducted into Buddhism at so young an age that I am brainwashed to think of renunciation, that it is the only choice I have for what I had seen and heard.

Now I am sure that it is not the case. My choice is still open. There is room to navigate and decide. It seems that I needed this in order to fully determine which course of action I would want to take. And preferably making this choice again without the influence of being in love. Only then, will I be able to accept my decision in my future whole heartedly, and thus not faced with this choice again in more dangerous and damaging positions in the future.

For that, maybe I needed to explore more of what does both life entails... which can I stand living in for the rest of my life? Looking forward to any retreat now during the holidays time.