Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Inner Demons, What kind of Hypocrite are you?

Each of us has in our minds inner demons that spurn out thoughts that are hateful, lustful, and deluding, harmful, shameful and plain bad.

Each of us also has in our minds inner angels that spurn out thoughts of love, contentment, wisdom, helpful, praiseworthy, and plain good.

The struggle in daily life then is to deal with these inner thoughts, of good and bad. Sometimes we let the bad thoughts slip, and create enemies for ourselves. Sometimes we let the good ones pour out, and we make kind, good friends. People also started to label: Our friends would think us as "this is a good guy", our enemies would think us as "this guy is just plain bad, or a hypocrite, only showing their good side towards some people, they dare not show their true colours."

The game is to show as much of your good side to as much people as possible, and show as little of your bad side to as little people as possible.

This game is the world were our social system works in. That is the origin of fake smiles (people trying to be nice even when they are not having good thoughts), of common courtesy, of social norms, of being polite to rude customers (even when we are angry at them), of many other things......

For me, I started early on in life to make sure I am not trapped by this social system, of this meaningless struggle. I make sure I show my true colours, most of me anyway, most of the time, to almost everyone. That way, no one can say I am a hypocrite, except me, for the few things I kept hidden, or revealed to only a select few.

Therefore I did not acknowledge the existence and importance of social norms, and the like. In fact, by breaking most of these norms at the exact right timing, I was aiming to educate those around me not to play this game where you might be called a hypocrite, but to play my game instead, be frank and bare all.

I thought that I was not playing the game of showing only our good sides. I was showing everything all the time! How could I be a hypocrite? However, I was wrong.

I did not notice this before, but I was quite harsh on myself if I ever had any bad thoughts. I would bash them out of my mind before I had the chance to say what's on my mind. I also generally tried to be as good as possible, to most people as equally as possible.

Try as I might, I am playing the game, even when I think I am not.

I do mind that I still can't be pleasant to everybody, that I am not fully free from bad thoughts, that I am not fully able to generate good thoughts to everyone equally, that I am not able to be 100% perfect and pure of heart despite my reputation.

Maybe those people who dislike me can see me fooling myself, playing this game and deluding myself that I am not. Then they have good reasons to dislike the big hypocrite I am.

Usually, the people who wrongly calls you a hypocrite are your enemies, and they have hate towards you. Hatred generally gets their mind working in fast, intelligent mode, "how to make the person I hate suffer the most?" And they might misuse the term, clouding it in convincing-like arguments that make you guilty for things that you are not supposed to be guilty for.

Now, I decided that I do not regret playing this game. The game as I play it, guides me to be good to everyone I meet, my good thoughts tend to dominate my entire social life. My bad thoughts, still there, are reduced to pittance, and they are weak, most of the time. The game works, somehow or another. Social norms works, and are worth adhering to (with wisdom to discern too of course). The game is no longer a trap, no longer a meaningless struggle.

It is the training ground for all to be good.

That's it. This article ends here. The main point has been stated in the last paragraph. The rest below are extras.

Now I am no longer qualified as being a hypocrite.

a person who pretends to have virtues, moral or religious beliefs, principles, etc., that he or she does not actually possess, especially a person whose actions belie stated beliefs.
a person who feigns some desirable or publicly approved attitude, especially one whose private life, opinions, or statements belie his or her public statements.

The people who rightly calls you a hypocrite, those are your true friends and should be regarded as your family. Those are the people who wants to see you change and grow to be better that who you are now. Those are the people who sees your good and bad side, yet decided to be good to you anyway. They are good to you not because they are playing the game, but because they truly meant it.

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