On the path to enlightenment

Hey old friend,

Dear online diary with no privacy,

I just watched you're the apple of my eye. It brought some tears as I smile and recall my story.

It was one of the big major event or process in my emotional life for the last 4 (has it been so long ago?) years. Yet it's nothing I could not bear with a smile on my face.

It's nothing I could not bear because I had been through worse. I can't believe I would ever say this but I am grateful to has experienced depression about 10 years ago. Doesn't mean that I would wish to experience it again nor wish it upon anyone. It's because of the experience that I am able to understand suffering, to bear through 2 period of unemployment in less than a year without much worry, to be able to generate compassion for all those who are unenlightened, for they are liable to experience these suffering that I had been through.

That makes me want to attain stream winner and help others to do the same as soon as possible. Along this path, should I meet someone whom I had deep kammic connection with in my past life, and that the worldly condition allows us to meet regularly, May I have the strength to choose the greater happiness and not cause undue suffering to others. Remembering the suffering I had been through, my I have Great Compassion that keeps me firmly on the swift path towards enlightenment to benefit all sentient beings. Just like the Buddha who had left his wife out of love for her and all beings to search for the end of suffering, which he did helped his wife to attain it, so may this be an inspiration for me.

At the same time recalling how hard it is for two lovers to come together, I sincerely wish all my close couple friends, all those whom I know, all those in the world, to have mostly happiness in being together and have minimal suffering from their attachments.

Sometimes I used to cry why me? Why did I had to be so deep in the Dhamma that I wish to be a celibate? Tonight I do not think so any more, it's no longer a chain binding me. I am glad to have the aspiration to be celibate to practice well. I am blessed.

At some point on the way to enlightenment, as you to see suffering as just suffering, not "my suffering", then there is no more anger towards suffering, aversion to suffering is gone and there one experiences the impersonality of suffering. One can then bear whatever suffering on the path to enlightenment. These suffering are worth the suffering, because it is the suffering to end all suffering.